One word ladies: STOP. We are getting out of control when it comes to wanting to know our man’s every move. We go through their phone and their email. We even go as far as snooping around their MySpace page to see who’s been leaving him messages. If you are one of the many women out there doing this get a clue.
Clearly if you have to do all this you don’t trust the man you’re with. If you don’t have trust, you don’t have anything. If your man has never given you reasons to snoop then don’t. This breed of woman has a habit of driving good men away with all their dumb suspension. Instead of focusing on all the good things he does, they’d rather play the detective role. All it does is add stress to the relationship. I hate to admit this, but we don’t give men a fair enough shot. We have to stop comparing them to our previous relationships. The new guys don’t have anything to do with what happened in the past. Instead of us focusing on a bright future we tend to focus on the negative horror stories from our past. This will mess up your chance for happiness.
Men, don’t deal with this shit! If you know you’re a great catch and you are always being accused of doing something wrong then move on. She doesn’t appreciate you enough to see how special you truly are. You shouldn’t have to deal with it just as much as women shouldn’t have to deal with it. Happiness and honesty are necessary in a relationship, but before one can be in a relationship they need to have love for themselves. You can’t love another without loving yourself. Life is too short for drama and games. Stay positive and positive things will happen!
I think it sad when a woman has to do all of that detective work. I just want to reach out and give them a hug. Do you really think it’s worth it? Honestly what do you get if you find out something? You just get another broken heart. It’s like playing with fire you always get burnt. I always say if you can feel in your heart that you man is doing you wrong, then he is. A woman’s heart never lies. That is one gift that all women have been blessed with. I’ll believe what my heart is telling me before I believe what a man tells me just because all men have cheated or will cheat.
Ladies need to stop blaming other ladies for their men being dogs. If he is not talking to that chick then most likely he has found someone new to talk to. Not all females want to be in a relationship. They just want to be dickdown. When a woman is being approached by a man she doesn’t even ask if he is in a relationship. When did being boyfriend and girlfriend count for something? It’s just a way for guys to have their cake and eat it too. Women are so dumb they can’t even see this. If he loves you the way he said he does then you would be married right? Wouldn’t that symbolize the love between you two more then being boyfriend and girlfriend?
I have convinced myself that not being courted by a man isn’t necessary when in fact it is. I have told myself that it is fine to stay in a fantasy that does not exist. The denial of my reality has clouded my judgment and has led me to make bad decisions. Why have I not stood up for what I want and accepted peoples crap? I know what I like and I continuously down play what I want to please individuals. Their happiness is put before mine. I am always fighting to pull myself out of peoples responses and actions. If you show me that my words don’t matter then why should yours words matter to me?
I like when a man opens doors and takes me out. I never realized how much fun two individuals could have by doing such small things. The conversation is always better with food and a bottle of merlot. Sitting in the house hoping and praying has not been effective the least bit. I’m at a point in my life where I’m done giving my all to people that don’t give anything back. I’m not going over the top to please anyone anymore. I’ve done it so much and have gotten know where. If anything it has made my expectations lower and that’s not right. I know what I deserve. I find that many people don’t want to compromise anything because they are stuck in their ways. I don’t need anyone in my life that has to try or schedule to be with me. I want someone that genuinely wants to be in my life. Love shouldn’t feel like a chore that you would do when you got time. You should be in it all the way. I don’t believe in a bunch of excuses. Honestly they pissed me off to know end. I feel like people make happen what they want to happen. There are no excuses ladies and gentlemen.
I’ve always thought love was something so major. When I love I love hard. This is part of the reason I put other peoples feelings and happiness before my own. I now realize if I do that who will tend to my feelings and happiness? Who is there to please my needs? Most of the time I’m left there drained because I went to deep into love. I know this is something that I have to work on because at the end of the day you don’t always get what you give. I accept that. I refuse to become bitter because my expectations weren’t met. First off I have learned to deal with people for who they are. Secondly you should give them the same amount of attention they give you. Thirdly don’t loose yourself and what you need because they want to deal with things differently. You do have a say and your feeling should be acknowledge.
It is clear that after speaking with Ray that my perspective on a relationship is different than a lot of other women. Things that they feel are essential in a relationship I don’t need right away. I’ve been told that my relationship wouldn’t make it past three month because of the things that I accept. I, for one, do not think I’m accepting anything. This is my preference. If it wasn’t I would not be with him. I have an issue with the way people try to dictate my relationship without looking at their own. I want to go in depth a little bit and let a majority of you know how I feel about your type of relationship.
For starters, stop racing your girlfriends and family members to the finish line. What I mean by this is that so many of you feel like you have to have one up on the next person. You’ve met his family or friends and now you think you’re ahead of the race. You feel like this furthers the relationship when in reality the only people that can further it is you and your partner. What does family and friends have to do with anything? I don’t feel like people should meet your love ones to early or while you are still dating. What is the purpose of that when you don’t even know whom you are dealing with yet? Let’s face the facts, a lot of you ladies have met dozens of parents and are still single. It has nothing to do with loving your mate. It has everything to do with who can cross the finish line quicker. I don’t get why people think meeting their partners love ones means they’re in a successful relationship. Remember when you let the love ones in they have total access to your relationship. I love the fact that I can focus on getting to know my partner. For me, it makes the foundation stronger. It is good to get in tuned with your partner before being showered with their family and friends. Take the time to see if you genuinely like him or her? It is okay to take a break from the marathon and learn one another.
Stop letting the people in your life try to validate everything that happens in your relationship. Begin to look at things differently. Growth comes from within, not from whom you’ve met or were you’ve been. Couples do not last because they stop focusing on one another. I’ve been in a relationship like this and thought it was time for a change. Why produce the same methods in each relationship if they continuously fail? It’s time to think outside the box and stop caring what people have to say. In my previous relationships I felt like I had to speak about my issues with everybody. I should have been talking to the person I was in a relationship with. It’s time to start refusing advise on issues that should be dealt with by you and your mate.
Seventy-two percent of people watch porn at work according to a program that aired on Discovery Health channel called “Hypersexual Behavior.” Most people who do this are addicted to sex. I feel the need to explore this topic.
Surprised?
The guy on this program said that he spends 50 hours a week on his computer watching porn and getting females to have sex with him. He said that in a week he can go online and get three to four women to sleep with him. However he is well-respected in his occupation and within his family. His family and friends are clueless to the fact that he engages in these types of activities in his home.
Now that I’ve given you a brief description of this guy let me give you my thoughts. First off all, I have to say that I don’t believe in putting a limit on sex. I feel like a person should do whatever makes them happy. Society equals sex. Just look at the environment around you. How can we consider a person to be a sex addict when we have never even considered our surroundings to be the main cause of this growing problem? Who can honestly say that they haven’t watched porn at work? Most of the time you can’t even control it because of the million pop-ups screaming “hot college girls having threesomes.”
If people want to have a lot of sex they should either be married, in a relationship, or have a steady jump-off. I don’t agree with sleeping with every chick or man you meet on the Internet. You should always check the papers (test results) before you even consider sleeping with a person. An organism should never equal AIDS or an STD. Be smart.
While I was watching the show all I kept saying is “let him do him.” A sex addiction to me isn’t anything more than a high sex drive. As far as his family and friends not knowing, who cares? My parents are clueless to the fact that I’ve had sex outside in a thunderstorm in front of a lake. Do I want to run and tell them? No I don’t. Since when has it been okay to discuss your sexual experience with your parents? I hate that fact that people always have something to say about what you do in your life. As a person we all know that there are consequences to all of our actions, and as long as we keep that in mind we should do what we feel instead of letting society dictate our lives for us.
I can’t say this enough. Please get tested. Nobody is immune to catching AIDS or other STDs. This is such a serious problem built up on people’s foolishness. Remember it is okay to sleep with whomever you want, but it is irresponsible to do it when you are clueless to the fact that your partner may or may not be infected.
However if you are a sex addict who needs help with this type of addiction please go to the following website:
My question still remains, though. Do you think sex addicts are the real deal or something else stirred up by society?
I had some of my readers contact me about the situations they are experiencing. I realized that this happens more often than we seem to realize.
Mr. Confused: “My ex-girlfriend got pregnant when we were just dating. I decided to marry her since that is the right thing to do. After a few years of marriage, I found out she was cheating on me. We ended up getting a divorce. Now when I come to pick up my son, she invites herself out with us. She told me it didn’t work out with the man she left me for and wants to give us another chance. The problem is she has contracted genital herpes from him. After reading your article “The Joys of Oral Sex” I feel like I could never give up receiving oral sex. I definitely don’t want to put myself at risk to catch the disease or to get my heart broken again. What should I do?”
Geri C.: I think you should respect her for the sake of your child, but as far as you committing to her again I’m going to have to say don’t do it. I can’t say this enough. In life there are consequences to our action. She had to weigh her options before she left you. Clearly she thought that he was a better match at the time. Does she even consider the fact that she broke your marriage vows, which is very serious? Marriage is not something you put at risk like she did, because when you do you can catch the gift that keeps on giving.
I understand the two of you have a son together, but don’t let that be the reason to give her another chance. Love should always be your reason. When you put your trust into a person and they take advantage of you, it hurts like hell. Me personally I have a hard time trusting people. To me trust is a gift I don’t easily give away. Especially when they do me dirty. It’s hard as hell to get my trust back.
If you love receiving and giving oral sex don’t sacrifices it for her. You have stay true to who you are. Tell her to get back with the man who gave her the disease. I’ve been told that you never know what you have until it’s gone. That’s all you need to say to her and hopefully she will understand. Thanks for sharing you story.
Ineedsome: “I am 37 years old I have been married to an older woman (8 years older) since I was 19. Things don’t seem the same. I mean I love her, but my eyes are starting to wander. We rarely have sex anymore and I starting to masturbate to XXX movies. I am about 5’8″ and 175 pounds light skinned with a medium build, and have a good head on my shoulders. Some women say I am handsome and others say cute or good looking. I don’t know what to do; we communicate well sometimes and other times not so good. I need your help! Please don’t charge me!”
Geri C.: Have you told her how you feel about not getting laid? Maybe the two of you should try something new in the bedroom, bar, or pool. You feel me? Women hate when it is routine. If you feel like your eyes are starting to wander then trust me, so are hers. When you committed yourself to a person you should want to completely all their inner fantasies. If you don’t or she won’t then someone else will, and that’s the reality. Both of you have to be on the same page and willing to work together because at the end of the day the two of you are in a partnership together. Make your business generate assets! Get rid of the liabilities by communicating more.
Ineedsextipasap: What’s good? I’ve seen your Facebook and have seen that you have made this website where I think you can discuss sex topics. I thought it might be right if I came at you personally to ask you for some tips.
So my older brother is taking me to L.A. this summer and he told me that he has a girl over there for me. Now I am not virgin nor am I a newbie to sex. I’ve been in a sexually active relationship for over 3 years. The girl I was with was about my age, which is 19. Now the girl he’s got over there is 21. I need to know if there are any secrets as to satisfying an older woman. I want to show her even a youngin’ like me can work that shit just like any other older man can. I’m very certain you’re a very mature and older woman who might be able to help me. I know pleasing a teen and a woman are two different things, so let me know what’s up. I mean preach it out. Let me know the deal straight up.
Geri C.: First off all, let me say that pleasing a woman is doing just that… pleasing her. Age doesn’t matter at all, pleasure on the other hand does. You have time to build up the tension between you and her. You should do this by learning about her a little bit by phone. What I love to do is something I call “Text Sexing.” I will post the article I wrote on it to my blog. By doing this, you build up the sexual tension between you and her. By the time you get to L.A., she won’t even have on panties because she will be ready for you to dive in. Turning a woman on with just words gets them hot. They get curious to know if you really can do what you say. So don’t make up move that you don’t know how to do. Keep it real at all times.
I woke up another day thankful for all of Gods blessings,
Before I go to sleep I pray for my family and friends; then I pray for you,
Pray that you are capable of seeing what I see in you and for the ability to connect to my feelings,
Day in and day out I pray, hope, and wish for a moment in your life that is not clouded by time and deadlines,
I ask God to make me understand why he has made you a chapter in my life,
What lesson am I supposed to learn from this?
My emotions are as raw as a fresh wound,
Going day-to-day feeling like I’m in this by myself because of your unwillingness to make me apart of you,
The fact that I am incapable of giving up on you irks me sometimes,
My vision of what this could have been is tainted by your actions,
Everything in your life is a must expect for me,
So God please tell me what I am supposed to do?
You say love is patience, but how much patience is too much patience?
I’ve given everything I have and received the same outcome,
It hurts to wants something so bad and not get a dose of it, so again I ask what am I supposed to learn from this?
My heart stands on the edge of the cliff contemplate to jump or not,
Thoughts beat throughout my heart as I remember the joyful memories and the upsetting ones,
My eyes now dry from the lonely night cry sessions,
Shall I jump and accept the heartbreak,
Is that easier then living with the memory of you?
Love has me at my weakest,
I wanted love in my life, but never knew it could abruptly suck all the oxygen out of my lungs,
I feel like I’m drowning in a pool of misery that I have concocted,
I am unable to get past this stage,
Maybe it isn’t meant for me to get any further,
My acceptance has made me liable,
What am I supposed to learn from this?
I believe that most relationships start off with each person lusting after one another. Physical attraction is what captures our attention in the beginning. When you start to get use to one another that newness feeling goes straight out the window. Once you are right in the thick of love you start to experience many test to see if your relationship is worth being in or if it is a waste of time. Many relationships don’t make it pass the newness phase because people are afraid to adapt to some change. We have to realize that when you decided to have a partner you have to share all parts of your life with him or her. The days of making your friends hang on to your every word disappears over time. Your partner is now your best friend, lover, and philosopher. Letting someone into your space is one of the hardest things to do. Many people aren’t willing to let their partner into their world.
Once you enter the mist of your relationship you will begin to learn the real person. Many times when you are dating it doesn’t showcase who the person really is. It is purely fluff. After about a year, you will begin to notice your partner’s flaws. This is a wonderful thing because at this stage you are able to figure out if you want to deal with those flaws or not. Be clear, some of the flaws you will not be able to deal with. It is important to discuss your feelings with your partner because they maybe willing to change a particular flaw because of their feels for you. If they say they will change it, then never do, you should be worried. For me, your word is everything! Once you’re unable to hang on to your partner’s every word then you will begin to doubt things that come out of his or her mouth.
The adjustments you make to become one with your partner is amazing. Knowing that you are able to make that step shows how much you really love one another. Relationships are not perfect. You have to be able to make the adjustments. People only break-up when someone or both parties aren’t willing to make certain changes. Being in a committed relationship can be hard. To make it easier you should be willing to make compromises with your mate. Nobody can tell me that it is easy juggling different emotions and backgrounds. I feel like if love is something you want in your life then you have to work at keeping consistency. Never get comfortable or prolong things for too long.
Me personally, trying to stay on the same page with my partner is very important. I never want to think one think and he thinks something completely different. When you are in love the person should make you the happiest but also the angriest. If you meet a couple that says that they’ve never been anger with one another then they have obviously not been in the thick of love. Happiness plays a great part in a relationship but the pain is sometime necessary. You have to be willing to learn different sides of your partner. That includes the negativity within him or her. Being able to put the puzzle together is fulfilling and pushes you into a positive direction.
Demetrius is a new great friend of mine. All day I agree with most of the things he writes on Twitter. When it came down to trying to restoring my faith in romance he helped me a lot. I asked him just yesterday to share his knowledge with my readers and he agreed. I agree with everything he wrote in this powerful piece. Make sure you follow him on twitter @DaBlackSpawn. Also let me know what you think about this article.
Romance has been declared one of those aspects of human interaction that is long dead and forgotten. Wining and dining seems to be the norm and expected yet doing anything more than that is left to be done in the movies, tv shows and fictional novels. I’m a proponent of romance because I understand that I could very well be replaced by a dude who wants my lady more than I seemingly do. That’s a personal conviction though…let’s talk about why my thought process isn’t as widely adhered to.
I’m a firm believer that a man will only do what his woman allows him to do. Yeah yeah yeah, you’re an Alpha male, I’m an Alpha male….at the end of the day…pussy runs the world. Wars have been started over women and will they will continue to be for as long as we’re all…what?…Alpha Males. Though, I digress. Women have come to a point where they can see themselves being alone for a very long time if they don’t soften their standards for the men they happen to meet. With these lowered standards, men have been able to get by in relationships with doing the bare minimum.
The woman is an adaptive creature. They learn to love a man for all he is…flaws and all. Why? When women love…they have a true love that even they can’t explain. So they let little things the man does go on for months or even years. Or its something they’ve probably thought to themselves: “That’s not a big deal, I can change that over time.” That length of time is the perfect opportunity for a man to have come to the realization that he’s doing all of what he needs to do in order to keep her happy. So when the female begins to speak about how she’s unhappy after 18 months, he’s like “How did we get here??”
I know that the concept of romance is subjective. Everything doesn’t work for everyone. So it’s your job folks to show your partner the path to which you want to be on. If you want your man to romance you…you must romance him. Fellas, you want your woman to fuck you like a porn star…you’ve got fuck her like a porn star (within reason of course). It’s being equally yolked. Support of one another is one of the most over-looked and misunderstood aspects within a relationship but it’s what can keep a couple happy for YEARS. You can’t expect your partner to know what you want unless you do one of two things…open your damn mouth and speak on the subject or just do for them what you want them to do for you. It will guide, mold and shape your relationship in the way that you both can be appreciative of.
Romance isn’t dead….it’s just not seen as necessary as the ability to pop bottles in a club or anything else of a monetary value. If people want to be in fulfilling relationships…they have to require more of their partner than just being there or just being faithful. In my opinion, you have to make your lady or man fall in love with you every time you see them….remind them why they’re with you as opposed to the next person. You may think that’s difficult but it’s actually easier than you can imagine. You just have to take your time and pay attention to the person whom may play a major role in your life for the next 20 to 60 years.
Conversely, if you require more from your partner, you’ll have to step up as well. Relationships are give and take…a partnership…a constant compromise. You may feel like that’s a lot to do but would you rather be alone? Resentful of those who have Valentines or on the more basic level…help with their bills. If you can get over yourself and be willing to let your old ways go, you’ll have so many more years to enjoy who you’ve become while growing with someone. Trust me on this.
Romance is an awesome part of relationships. With the three pillars of trust, friendship and intimacy in place, Romance will fall right into line along with that fourth pillar of a healthy sex life to create an indestructible foundation for a building called your marriage. Just have to want it bad enough.
I am not happy. I don’t expect to be all the time because life is so complex. There are plenty of days when I wonder why am I in a funk when I have so much to be grateful for? I feel like my expectation for people is what makes me unhappy. I always expect people to give back as much as I put out to them. Most of the time I don’t get back what I expected. I’ve never been an outrages person but I do expect certain things from certain people in my life. I knew when I woke up praying and biting my nails this morning that something wasn’t right with me. I finally realize that I have to stop processing the words that come out of people’s mouth because they never back it up with action. Words are as worthless as using pennies on the bus. That is like telling somebody you miss them but doing nothing to see them or I love you and never showing your love. I’m at a point in my life where words don’t do much for me anymore. I swear they’re a guaranteed let down most of the time. The only way I will believe somebodies words is in a legal binding contract. Other than that I will believe it when I see it.
I feel like I live in my head sometimes. Things go great in there because I have an idea of what I want in my life. I then process the idea in my head as reality when it is far from that. Sometimes I love to look at the facts and other times I don’t. I guess that how I end up in these shitty situations. Hell that is with most of it. We love to use the facts only when it is beneficial to us. People are afraid to show their vulnerable side…I am not. Sometime I have days like today when I hate everybody and wanna say fuck you to the world. The others days I’m good to a certain extent. Life is so 50/50. It’s so funny because my dad always use to tell me to never expect anything from anybody not even him so when did I throw that lesson out the window? It is hard to deal with emotions that involve another person because if they say what you don’t want to hear then what?
I need to feel secure when I’m dealing with the people in my life. The moment I start question your motives then I shut down on you. It’s not on purpose but I know what I need to be happy. There are nights when I cry at some of the things that I continue to let happen in my life. It is frustrating as hell but life is not mapped out. You have to learn to roll with the punches and really learn from your mistakes. You have not learned your lesson if you continue to let the same things happen over and over. So many of my mistakes are the same but they look different. It’s time to stop being desperate for the ideas in my head and begin living my reality. I never said I was perfect so there you have it.
I woke up this morning thinking about this. There are certain things that go on in a relationship that women expect from a man. I’m not saying it has to happen every day but it should happen if the guy is serious about being with you. Ladies I need you to take your blind folds off and dispose of them. It’s time to look at your situation to see if you are actually his girlfriend or somebody he fucking occasionally. I’m here to tell you sex is good but it doesn’t keep a relationship together. There are other piece to the puzzle that many men don’t want to deal with. I am speaking to the women who have been in a “relationship” for at least six months to a year. Write down which number applies to your relationship and score it at the end.
1. Public Outings- Have you been to the movies, dinner, or even bowling with your man at least twice a month or more?
2. Friends- Have you been around his friend at a gathering to get to know the people he associates himself with?
3. Home Visits- Does he stopped by your house before eight o clock to spend quality time with you?
4. Birthday- Did he show up to your birthday dinner or gathering to show how much he appreciates the day you were born?
5. Communication- When you express your feelings does he actually take them into consideration and makes the necessary changes?
6. Family- Have you met at least 3 of his family members?
Score
0-1 Jumpoff- You are not his girlfriend if you haven’t done anything on this list. He may be telling you that you’re his “girlfriend” but you are not. OPEN YOUR EYES! You are the woman that can see your “man” after midnight. Going to dinner or visiting friend is out of the picture. You don’t make the schedule he does. You can see him when it is convent for him. It never matters when you want to do something. If it doesn’t tie into his life then it will never fucking happen! Either accept a nice fuck here and there or leave his ass!
2-3 Dating- You are dating the guy. He considers some of the things on the list which is important. It is a wonderful feeling to have a man in your life that is trying just as much as you are to turn the dating phase into a beautiful relationship. Continue dating and see where it may go. It may turn into a great relationship.
4-6 Relationship- You are in a relationship. Congratulation! He is not afraid to do anything on the list. In fact he loves to show you off to everyone. You never feel like you are a hidden secret from the world he actually lives in. You feel comfortable around his friends and family. He is man enough to make you a priority in his life. There are no excuses with him. This is the type of man that every women wants in her life.
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