I have convinced myself that not being courted by a man isn’t necessary when in fact it is. I have told myself that it is fine to stay in a fantasy that does not exist. The denial of my reality has clouded my judgment and has led me to make bad decisions. Why have I not stood up for what I want and accepted peoples crap? I know what I like and I continuously down play what I want to please individuals. Their happiness is put before mine. I am always fighting to pull myself out of peoples responses and actions. If you show me that my words don’t matter then why should yours words matter to me?
I like when a man opens doors and takes me out. I never realized how much fun two individuals could have by doing such small things. The conversation is always better with food and a bottle of merlot. Sitting in the house hoping and praying has not been effective the least bit. I’m at a point in my life where I’m done giving my all to people that don’t give anything back. I’m not going over the top to please anyone anymore. I’ve done it so much and have gotten know where. If anything it has made my expectations lower and that’s not right. I know what I deserve. I find that many people don’t want to compromise anything because they are stuck in their ways. I don’t need anyone in my life that has to try or schedule to be with me. I want someone that genuinely wants to be in my life. Love shouldn’t feel like a chore that you would do when you got time. You should be in it all the way. I don’t believe in a bunch of excuses. Honestly they pissed me off to know end. I feel like people make happen what they want to happen. There are no excuses ladies and gentlemen.
I’ve always thought love was something so major. When I love I love hard. This is part of the reason I put other peoples feelings and happiness before my own. I now realize if I do that who will tend to my feelings and happiness? Who is there to please my needs? Most of the time I’m left there drained because I went to deep into love. I know this is something that I have to work on because at the end of the day you don’t always get what you give. I accept that. I refuse to become bitter because my expectations weren’t met. First off I have learned to deal with people for who they are. Secondly you should give them the same amount of attention they give you. Thirdly don’t loose yourself and what you need because they want to deal with things differently. You do have a say and your feeling should be acknowledge.
© 2012, Geri C. All rights reserved.